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Extended Hurricane Season Predicted
WASHINGTON D.C. - This week the National Weather Service has issued its standard hurricane warnings for both the southeast portions of the U.S and suburbs of Chicago. Although this is the normal time of year for this type of warning, this season may last longer than usual.
Some past hurricane seasons have been short-term, such as the hurricane season of 1997 which lasted from May 3rd until May 5th. This year however, meteorologists are predicting a chain of storms to last somewhere between four and 27 months. A specific time can't be projected right now since most meteorologist have hurriedly left town to board up their shore homes against the incoming storms.
The few underpaid meteorological interns left on duty have gone through their mentors' notes and have pinned the cause of this extended season to a progressively healing ozone layer. Yes, I said healing. After decades of abuse by factories, auto exhaust, cat litter dust, and cigar smoke, the ozone has begun the process of rebuilding.
Areas around the large hole over the Antarctic have thinned, spreading their mass inward to fill in the gap left by pollutants. At the current rate of rebuilding, that hole should be filled by 2005. The only downside to this is as the ozone moves inward, by the time of complete healing most of central Europe will be completely exposed to solar radiation. As of last night, Belgium has ceased to exist as we know it.
The reconstitution of the ozone has created a southern cooling trend which causes tropical storms which are already in place to gain strength and momentum. Right now we're keeping an eye on tropical storm Heinrich. Heinrich will soon become a full blown huricanne about the size of north Africa and should hit the eastern seaboard early next week.
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| ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Gertrude Nimbus forecasts the weather with the latest equipment as well as judging the feelings in her joints. She also owns 17 of The Taunt's 26 weathercows. |
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