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U.S. Apologizes To North Korea
WASHINGTON - Secretary of State Colin Powell issued a public apology to North Korea (DPRK) today on behalf of the United States. The statement, aimed at easing increasing North Korean tensions over the recent nuclear standoff, came shortly after U.S. Ambassador to North Korea Jack Pritchard received a letter from Pyongyang saying, "Hey, is anyone still there?". Pritchard joined Powell at the podium to apologize for accidentally leaving Korean diplomats on hold for two hours while he grabbed a quick Subway sandwich during a phone dialog.
"With all that was going on in Iraq, we just plumb forgot" Powell added after presenting his drafted apology. "Of course we consider the current situation with North Korea an important issue", he added. "but unfortunately our troops over in the gulf were also having a large scale water skiing contest and a USO show, and it's important that we prioritize."
The water skiing contest included troops from the 3rd expeditionary marines, 101st airborne division, and the Iranian League of Mullah Mohammed Omar Look-Alikes. The 101st easily took 1st place when the Look-Alikes, having traded their depth perception for stylish eyepatches, had their formation disrupted by a nav buoy. The USO show featured the Backstreet Boys and a the stand up comedy of Rita Rudner.
After Powell's press conference, President Bush held a lengthy phone conversation with zany prankster and North Korean president Kim Jong Il, in which he promised the U.S. would attack soon. When asked about the specifics of a future war with North Korea, President Bush added that although he proposed a best 2 out of 3, war-wise, Pyongyang insisted that a best 3 out of 5 would be necessary. "He's a feisty little guy" Bush added, "but I thinks after this is over we might try to work him in as 'Tattoo' on Fantasy Island". Fox is planning to release the remake of the classic show this fall but are still in negotiations with the North Korean leader.
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| ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Buck DeSystem recently joined the staff of The Taunt. His resume was well-typed with a minimum of errors and a creative use of Whiteout. By reading the major news sites, Buck keeps abreast of breaking news world-wide. |
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