|
Aries:
(March 21--April 19)
|
|
Your Sherlock Holmes-like powers of deduction fail you later in the week as it was obvious the tuna had been in the refrigerator for several weeks.
|
|
Taurus:
(April. 20--May 20)
|
 |
Early in the week, partly cloudy with a chance of rain, turning to sun mid-week, followed by a visit from Great Cthulhu at week's end. |
|
Gemini:
(May 21--June 21)
|
 |
Saving pennies for a rainy day is a great idea, until the ceiling collapses and you're buried under the weight of 5,000 lbs. of rainy day pennies.
|
|
Cancer:
(June 22--July 22)
|
|
Jupiter jaunts through Sagittarius bringing you good luck: Collect $20 from every player.
|
|
Leo:
(July 23--Aug. 22)
|
 |
Next time, maybe you'll listen to the Aztec spirit-vision and his talk about not disturbing the Jaguar totem, Mr. Skeptical.
|
|
Virgo:
(Aug. 23--Sept. 22)
|
 |
No, that cream didn't make your penis 3 inches longer, but it did shrink the rest of your body, so at least now, you're proportionate.
|
|
|
Libra:
(Sept. 23--Oct. 23)
|
|
Just because he's the former heavyweight champ doesn't mean he still can't kick your ass!
|
|
Scorpio:
(Oct. 24--Nov. 21)
|
 |
The Moon is in Virgo this week, and the remote is behind the sofa.
|
|
Sagittarius:
(Nov. 22--Dec. 21)
|
 |
Your future is somewhat cloudy. The stars see a speeding sports car, a windy road, and an intensive care unit. What does this mean? Your guess is as good as ours.
|
|
Capricorn:
(Dec. 22--Jan. 19)
|
|
Flaming Bus O' Death! Any questions???
|
|
Aquarius:
(Jan. 20--Feb. 18)
|
 |
For reasons that will become very clear, your fear of flying will be replaced this week with the fear of being chased by an angry, shotgun-wielding mob.
|
|
Pisces:
(Feb. 19--March 20)
|
 |
Take our word for it and stop the experiments! Girls are not made of sugar, spice, and everything nice.
|
|
