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Greenspan To Boost Ailing Economy
WASHINGTON - Although a war traditionally pulls a nation's economy from a slump, most financial analysts agree that Operation Iraqi Freedom, although very cool, was too short-lived to have a large impact on the waning American market.
In light of this, with occupation and marketing of "We Kicked Saddam's Ass" t-shirts the only thing on the war horizon, Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan has instituted a new fiscal initative dubbed "Operation Sell Our Landmarks For Quick Cash". Borrowing a concept from major sporting venues such as Los Angeles's Staples Center and Miami's American Airlines Arena, the U.S. Fed hopes to cash in on branding of national landmarks.
Though simple in concept, OSOLFQC has already paid dividends within ten days of operation. First to jump to the aid of the country was Bill Gates, who readily purchased the newly dubbed Microsoft Supreme Court Building (version 1.0). Two days after this sale, Philadelphia's coveted national tresure became Her Majesty's Independence Hall, with the Liberty Bell thrown in in place of undercoating.
Other landmarks already purchased are the McDonald's Gateway Arch, Le Statue de la Liberté, and the Memorex Grand Canyon. Many landmarks are still available on the open market, including the Jefferson Memorial which is listed on EBay with a starting bid of $30,000,000.
While initially a strong supporter of the plan, President Bush waivered last Wednesday when Motel 6 showed an interest in the White House. Motel 6, known for its "we'll leave the light on" slogan, promised the first family 90 days to find other accomodations before renovations begin to turn the 100 year-old West Wing into laundry facilities. Negotiations are still underway on this deal.
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| ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Sal Monella has been keeping a sharp eye on the world of business for 43 years. Having lived in a cardboard box on Wall Street, his tips and hunches are the best in the industry. |
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